Never Say Never
by Ashita polar
Summary: After the Rage-Party, Justin has had enough. (Season Three AU scene)


**AN** : So, I was hesitant to post this as it isn't my usual happy B/J fic; plus, although I wrote this quite a while back, there has recently been a story with a similar premise; although, it took a much darker and different turn than what I've done, and I always worry that people will think I'm ripping of ideas when that happens.

Anyways, this is a scene that got stuck in my head; it's set Post-Rage Party, and didn't fit any story I'm currently working on. And, although my beta is trying got convince me to 'fix it.' I don't have any plans for extending this scene into an actual story unless I can think of a plot that hasn't been done to death.

And again, not a happy B/J fic, although my beta said it wasn't overly angsty either. You've been warned

* * *

 **Never Say Never**

Justin ran a hand through his hair and slowly walked out of the building, beyond exhausted, but not yet ready to call it a day. If he went home, he'd end up falling onto his bed and falling asleep, and then he'd be awake all night again. And he really couldn't afford another night without sleep. Not with school heating up, working long hours at the diner and then yet more hours at the art store.

He will say this though, at least with working at the art store, he didn't work the diner until well after dinner and that meant avoiding Brian and his entourage before they headed off to Woody's to suck and fuck the night away. Not that he was looking down on that choice; after all, if he'd had the energy, he'd do the same. But he could barely move after a day of classes followed by one, if not two jobs; so, fucking someone wasn't even an option at this point in time.

Slinging his bag over his neck, Justin smiled at the hottie that had been staring at his ass the entire time he'd been walking behind him and turned the corner. Well, at least he knew he still had it, even if he wasn't currently benefiting from it. Although, maybe… Justin looked over his shoulder at the guy contemplatively. He was gorgeous and it had been far too long since he'd gotten his dick sucked. Maybe he should hit that and see if he'd interested in a bit of fun for one night. He did have day off coming up this Friday.

Turning around he started walking towards hottie photographer, where he'd laid down on the grass, and fuck if he didn't look good. Licking his lips he met hottie's eyes and smiled, the one that he knew had many a man drooling as he made his way through Babylon. There were benefits to being Brian's favorite boy toy; every man in that club knew that he'd learned from the best, and every single one of them would give his left nut for a taste of that skill. Was that a bit of arrogance on his part? Maybe.

But it wasn't like it wasn't deserved.

Hottie returned his smile and fuck; that was a mouth he couldn't wait to have wrapped around his dick, and definitely an ass he'd like to fuck. Hell, if the guy's cock was worth it, he might even let him have a go at his. He wasn't picky at the moment. And well, it wasn't like he had to worry about the rules anymore, spoken or unspoken – like the one where Justin could fuck anyone he wanted so long as he realized his ass was Brian's.

Hypocritical dick – won't own up to being in a relationship, but God forbid anyone touch what he sees as rightfully his. Kissing his friends on the mouth like it was nothing and then getting pissy if Justin did the same. He recalled very well the one time Em had kissed him on the jaw and his reaction. Fucking double standards.

Justin shook that from his mind, and was nearly right on top of hottie when he heard a voice calling behind him, instantly making him freeze. Fuck. Why the fuck did this always happen? Did he have a fucking sixth sense for this kind of thing? Huffing an aggravated breath, Justin smiled apologetically and waved at hottie and kept right on walking because like fuck was he going to get into it with Brian here.

"Justin," Brian called again, a note of annoyance entering his voice.

Well, too bad for him. Let's see how he likes it when someone ignores his desires in favor of their own. Justin kept right on walking, internally smirking when Brian growled behind him and quickened his steps. Justin was tempted to do the same, but he wouldn't give Brian the satisfaction in thinking he was running away from him. Even if he sort of was. Besides, how often could anyone say that they had the Great Brian Kinney chasing them?

"Justin!" Brian yelled again, and Justin definitely smirked at the growing irritation in his former lover's voice that time.

Yeah, it was petty as fuck, but honestly, he felt that after everything that he'd put up with over the past two years, all the times he'd been shunted aside, all the time Brian shat on his wants and desires and feelings, all the times Brian has built him up only to pull the rug out from under his feet, he deserved a little comeuppance. Justin will never deny all that Brian has done for him; he could be a truly amazing man when he felt like it or when he allowed himself to be. And he has had Justin's back numerous times and he's not denying it, but there just comes a time where you get tired of fighting for something or someone that doesn't seem to want to be won.

"Don't you ignore me, you little shit," Brian hissed, grabbing Justin by the arm and turning him around. And damn, he hadn't realized that Brian was that close.

Justin stared up into blazing, fucking gorgeous eyes and steeled himself from falling into them once again. Because even as annoyed as he was, Brian Kinney had always been hot as fuck and owned more than a little of Justin's heart. He didn't need to get lost in those eyes, only to have Brian pull another Rage incident, leaving his heart shattered on the floor once again. He had more pride than that.

"Or what? What are you going to do about it?" Justin challenged, looking Brian straight in the eye, more than a little pissed himself. Brian looked surprise for a moment at his vehemence, but quickly covered it up. Justin sighed. "What do you want, Brian?"

Brian stared at him, studying his face and body for a long drawn out moment, his face unreadable; but he could tell that he was worried about something judging by the crease between his eyes. Although, what exactly had him on edge, Justin couldn't figure out.

"Want to explain to me why my payment for your tuition was returned?" Brian asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

Really? That's what this was all about? Because Justin told them to reimburse his tuition? Or not really told them to, but it was consequence of being able to pay for it himself. Of all the…Justin just shook his head, not quite believing that Brian came all this way just to confront him on his tuition. But he doubted Brian would ever voice the real reason; so he used this as his reason.

"I didn't need it," Justin shrugged, nonplussed.

And for some reason that seemed to rile Brian up even further; Justin just stared at his former lover and tried to make sense of why this was happening.

"Oh, what," Brian spat, a sneer his face as he said one of his taboo words. "So, your little _boyfriend_ is suddenly able to support you? Did he hit it big in the lottery; or maybe he raked in more money than I thought busking? His little street performances pull in more people than expected recently?"

Justin shook his head, completely confused by what he was talking about; although, he was starting to get a clue based on a few things Brian had said.

" _What_ boyfriend?" Justin asked; because really, he would think that he would have noticed having a boyfriend. For one thing, his dick would have been getting sucked a hell of a lot more often than it had been lately.

"You know, the little twat you ran out of the party with?" Brian spat, although he was starting to look a bit confused as well.

"Ethan?" Justin asked incredulously, staring Brian as if he'd grown another head. "Not that it's any of your business, but Ethan is just a friend."

"Yeah, a friend you kiss on the mouth." Brian spat, getting angry once more; Justin snorted – hadn't he just been talking about hypocritical assholes with double standards?

"Oh, you mean like you and Mikey?" Justin scoffed, arching a brow and he crossed his arms over his chest. "Are you saying I should have been more concerned about that?"

"Mikey and I are different," Brian huffed, flushing a bit when Justin called him on his bullshit.

"I do so love the double standards you hold, "Justin said with a sardonic twist to his lips; he place one hand on his hip and gestured with the other. "One set of rules for you and one set for the rest of us mere mortals. It's rather arrogant, don't you think? The way you set yourself above the rest of us and we're just supposed to fall in line because you're Brian Fucking Kinney."

"Mikey said…" Brian began, suddenly looking a bit more wrong-footed; but Justin didn't let him finish the thought.

"Yeah, well when it comes to me, Mikey knows shit," Justin snorted, shaking his head at his former lover. "Wake up, Brian. Michael has wanted me gone from day one and he's never made a secret of it. Not even to you. And you, you just feed right into it by never saying a fucking thing when he gets on one of his Brian Kinney rants."

"Why argue with the truth?" Brian asked, arching a brow, his face completely blank.

"And _that_ is why I left," Justin said, pointing at Brian, a scornful smile on his face. "But for the sake of curiosity, what did Michael say? Better to find out from you what everyone is whispering about on the streets than someone who will embellish it. At least you'll stick to the facts. Well, the truth as Michael sees it anyways; which frankly, I don't hold in much regard."

"He said he saw you and the fiddler kissing; that you seemed really into it. That you cheated on me." Brian said in a bored tone, a bland smile on his face, as if he were talking about the weather or some other platitude. But why bring it up if that were true?

"Cheated on you," Justin said slowly, as if testing the words out, and then scoffing. "That's an interesting word, isn't it? Cheated. You know, if we were to take that word at its purest meaning, you did that to me every single night you went out tricking. But of course, we'd have to actually _be_ in a relationship for that to be true. Another of those words you so love to hate. And since you would never agree that what we had was a ' _relationship_ ,' how exactly would that have been cheating on you?"

"It broke the rules," Brian said, again with that infuriatingly bland smile. Where the fuck did he get off questioning Justin when he could easily fuck three guys a night and then come home and expect Justin to just roll over and fuck him as if it were nothing.

But fine, he agreed to the rules, and he didn't even really care about the actual tricking. In fact, he liked tricking. He just hated when the asshole rubbed it in his face, like fucking Zucchini Man. All because the asshole was a jealous queer who wanted a go at Brian and mocked him for not tricking as often as possible; because God forbid he was taking care of a traumatized man who could barely walk out the door without cringing.

"Ah, well, that's an entirely different matter, isn't it?" Justin said with a thin smile; he shrugged. He couldn't really argue with that. He did kiss Ethan after all and it was a no-no as they'd agree not to kiss anyone on the mouth. So he'd concede the point. "Fair enough; I suppose that; yes, that was breaking the rules." Justin paused, but before Brian could get too smug, he continued. "I contend that you broke them first. After all, the rule was, ' _you don't kiss anyone on the mouth,_ _ **but**_ _me_.' No where in that statement did it exclude Michael."

"We were talking about tricking," Brian said, but it was a weak argument at best, because the wording was clear. And Brian had broken that numerous times. "Michael is just a friend."

And now we get back to this first point.

"Then I'm not seeing the problem here," Justin shrugged. "As I said, Ethan is a friend. I mean, you were the one encouraging me to go out and find friends my own age weren't you? I met him at the concert Linds and Mel took me to; saw him again at school. I suppose we did fuck once, so there is that. But, that still falls into the rules."

"Yeah, and what about the no names or numbers rule?" Brian pointed out, determined to win back some ground.

And again it was one of those things that he had to concede broke the rules in a way. He did know Ethan's name when he fucked him; but there were extenuating circumstances. It was a little difficult not to have known his name given how they met.

"Yeah, okay," Justin said, but then set out making that very point. "I'll give you that one. However, I did meet him at a concert; where the performers were announced by name and I did get a program that also listed the names of the performers; kind of hard not to know it. And technically, he doesn't have my number; or at least, he didn't at the time. We just kept running into each other. But I'm sure you'll just see this as my justifying my so-called poor behavior, so I'm not sure why I'm bothering to explain anything to you."

"He still said you were into it," Brian pointed out; and that seemed to be the real sticking point to him if he was bringing it up again. "That doesn't sound like a friend to me."

And seriously, what the fuck? Where was Mikey getting this information? Because really, it sounded like Mikey was spending a little too much time in his business and that was starting to creep him out. He'd just gotten rid of Ethan; he didn't need another stalker.

"What, was he spying on me?" Justin demanded incredulously. "Because I usually see Ethan at school; and, as far as I know, Michael has no reason to be at PIFA."

"He said something about putting up flyers," Brian muttered, looking away, as if he realized that Michael's obsession with what Justin was doing was a bit odd as well.

"Ah, that," Justin said, things becoming all too clear now; fucking Mikey. Saw something he didn't understand, because nuances aren't something that he does, and then running off to tell Brian that his little fuck buddy was getting some on the side. Whatever.

"Yes, that," Brian said, his aggravation renewed with Justin's apparent dismissal.

Justin just shook his head, not even believing that they were having this conversation. He seriously just wanted to sit down and laugh at the absurdity of his life.

"It's interesting isn't it?" Justin said, a mirthless smile on his face.

"What's interesting?" Brian asked, a bit confused by the shift in Justin's tone.

"How things look through the scope of your own experiences," Justin said, a bitter laugh spilling over his lips because really, this whole entire thing was ridiculous and wouldn't even be happening if Brian would just fucking wake up and admit that Michael had a fucking hard on for him; and has since they were fourteen. "Michael said that I ' _seemed to be into it_ ,' whatever that means. And I don't doubt he saw _exactly_ what he _wanted_ to see. But didn't it ever occur to you that maybe he might just be projecting?"

"Projecting what?" Brian said, his face instantly closing down; and bullshit. Bull. Shit. He knew exactly what Justin was driving at, but refused to acknowledge it because then he'd have to face the fact that his best friend did the things he did because he was a jealous twat hoping for more than that unfinished hand-job, and that he himself fed on it.

But not this time; he was tired of the Mikey and Brian Show being slammed repeatedly into his face, and being expected to put up and shut up. No fucking way.

"Come on, Brian," Justin huffed, shaking his head disdainfully. "Don't play stupid; it isn't becoming of a man of your intelligence. And it certainly does a disservice to me. I am neither blind nor stupid; I know that Michael wants you. And when you kiss Michael, it sure as hell doesn't come across as ' _we're just friends_ ,' no matter what you might tell yourself. Michael has always thrived on that. He takes that and stores up all those little nuggets of affection, and every ' _always have and always will'_ and uses them to justify the way he treats me and any others that enter your sphere. Because in his eyes, we are nothing, and you will never love anyone but him. So, of course when he sees me kissing a friend on the mouth, I must be as into it as him and thus, I'm cheating."

Brian didn't say anything, just studied Justin with a frown.

"But whatever," Justin continued with another shrug. "I went into this with my eyes open. I knew that you tricked and I knew that you and Mikey had this weird, little codependent friendship thing going on. So, I'm not the one people should feel sorry for."

Justin shifted his bag, just getting started because really? This shit had been building for a while and he was tired of biting his tongue on things that needed to be said.

"No," Justin shook his head with a sad smile; looking over Brian's shoulder because he couldn't look into his face and continue otherwise. "The ones I feel sorry for are David and Ben. Because both of them genuinely loved? Love? Michael and wanted a long-lasting, heart and flowers, eventually leads to marriage relationship with Michael; and he acted like he wanted the same thing too. Plying them with the just right words, chasing them down when they wised up and reeling them back in, only to once again be slammed in the face with the Brian and Mikey Show."

Justin paused, and looked at Brian, wondering if he had anything to say; But Brian continued to remain silent, his expression wooden. And Justin couldn't tell what he was thinking anymore, which was kind of sad. At one time, he would have been able to read Brian Kinney like the back of his hand. But lately, his vision had become cloudy; or maybe it was just that he'd been forced to grow up and no longer saw things through rose-colored glasses. But, whatever it was, he knew when he was beating his head against a brick wall, as he had been the last couple of months, and enough was enough.

"But here's what really happened," Justin said when it became obvious that Brian was going to, once again, leave him emotionally hanging. "I met Ethan at the concert. I went up to him and congratulated him on a job well done, and told him that I'd enjoyed his performance. Because while I'm not usually a fan of classical music, it warranted it."

Brian shifted on his feet, garnering Justin's attention; he looked over and found a funny expression on Brian's face. He tried to decipher what it might mean, but gave it up as just another headache he just didn't need at this point.

"I met him later at school, where he tried to charm me with some ' _if I were your boyfriend, this is what I would do_ ' bullshit" Justin continued with a mirthless grin. "He was cute, and funny, and a genuinely nice person. We fucked; it wasn't bad. Not great, but fun and, well, we both got off, so no complaints."

Brian scowled; and Justin had to fight back the urge to roll his eyes; you know, for someone who didn't do jealousy, Brian sure as hell did a great approximation of it at times. Because _this_ ; it reminded him of when he danced in the King of Babylon contest.

"When I was out with Michael, hanging up flyers, he came up to me and tried to convince me that he'd be a better option for me than you," Justin laughed, but it was a bitter thing at best; because honestly, he _wished_ that he'd felt something other lukewarm feelings of attraction toward Ethan. It was nice to be wanted by someone who didn't feel the need to fuck every hot guy in Pittsburgh. "He kissed me. And I'll admit that, yes; I enjoyed it. The idea of someone wanting me, and _only_ me, was intoxicating. I briefly considered it."

Brian's scowl deepened; Justin shook his head. Why was it okay for _him_ to be all bent out of shape because someone wanted Justin as more than a quick fuck, but Justin had to put up with Michael's bullshit every day without a word? Justin could tell him why. It all comes down to double fucking standards.

"I turned him down," Justin said, impatiently pushing his hair out of his eyes; he couldn't help feeling angry with himself for feeling this way. "Because, you see, the biggest problem with Ethan is, while he _is_ sweet, and funny, and charming, and cute; he wasn't _you_. And he will never be you. As fucked up as it is, I love you and I can't seem to stop."

Brian looked away, but not before Justin saw a flash of something that looked suspiciously like triumph or delight or some sort bullshit in his eyes. Not that it'd do Brian much good, as he had no intentions of walking that path with him in the current climate. If Brian wanted him in his bed, he was going to have to admit that he was more than just the ' _guy he fucked more than once_.'

"So, we became friends instead," Justin said, crossing his arms over his chest. "And I set him up with another classmate, who is also a music student and is much more suited to him; and that's it. End of story. Of course, you never bothered to ask me because obviously, Mikey can do no wrong."

"And the party?" Brian asked, his body language guarded, but a lot less hostile.

"I invited him and his boyfriend to come," Justin shrugged, looking away from Brian, and smiling when hottie was still watching him; especially when Brian glanced back to see who he was looking at and scowled. It did Justin's heart good to see those little flashes of jealousy, even Brian would never own up to it. "Unfortunately, his boyfriend got a last minute gig and couldn't make it. He came in just after I found you fucking Rage."

Justin smile sarcastically.

"You know, after you so charmingly told all of our friends that you urgently needed to see me," he said, feeling a moment's triumph when Brian looked away, a dull flush in his cheeks. "I told him what happened. He kissed me to comfort me. You know, like you and _Mikey_ do all the fucking time. But like I said; double fucking standards. Again, you didn't bother to find out what was going on; you just assumed. So, I left. Frankly, I was tired of being thrown off the Kinney Cliff."

They stared at each other for a long moment with Justin arching a brow, as if to ask if there was anything else Brian needed to know since he was here. Brian seemed to struggle with something, almost like he was having an internal argument with himself.

"Where are you living?" Brian finally blurted out, and then looked annoyed with himself for actually asking the question. "Michael said…"

And Justin just had to laugh; because, really? Hadn't he just told Brian that Michael knew shit when it came to Justin's motivations and what he was doing? Brian snapped his mouth shut and looked annoyed; but fuck it. Justin was so not in the mood to listen to a retelling of his life according to Mikey the Moron.

"Of course, Michael again," Justin huffed once he'd stopped laughing; because his life was just beyond absurd now. "Doesn't he have a life of his own? Why is he all up in _my_ business? You know, you really need to stop listening to him when it comes to me; because Michael isn't someone I confide in. He's not likely to know shit about me. If you want to talk to someone, try Daphne or Emmett. They're more likely to steer you in the right direction. As for where I'm living, I'm with Daphne. Is that all? Can I go now?"

"And the money," Brian asked again, because he apparently wasn't going to leave until he was reassured that Justin's tuition wasn't an issue. In a way, Justin was touched that he at least cared that much; but it was annoying at the same time because he didn't need Brian Fucking Kinney blowing hot and cold in his life.

"I applied for and won a scholarship that will take care of this year," Justin said, another mirthless smile plastered to his face. "I would have shared that with you before, but you were too busy making sure that I realized that I had no permanent place in your life, that I said fuck it and just went on with life. So, I didn't need it and I told them to reimburse you."

Brian looked as if he was torn between pride and hurt, but what had he expected? Every time Justin had tried to get close to him recently, he'd gotten shut down. Justin had finally taken a hint and stopped sharing because there were only so many times a times that a person could get rejected before they've just had enough.

"I've got to go," Justin sighed, feeling even more exhausted than when he'd started. He really just wanted to go home and curl up on the daybed and sleep until this week was over. But he had to work at the store for eight hours; and then that was followed by a two-hour break to change and eat; and then he had a four-hour shift at the diner. He didn't have time for this. "I need to grab a quick bite to eat on my way to work. See you around. Maybe."

"Justin," Brian called out again as Justin had turned on his heel to leave; and Justin just pinched the bridge of his nose, praying for patience.

"Not now, Brian," Justin huffed waving him off. "I don't have time for this."

And then he continued down the path, heading for the wrap place that he loved, his heart aching with loss, and wondering if he and Brian would ever be on the same page.


End file.
